Wedding on a Budget - First Things First

The prep for my wedding is still so fresh in my mind that it's time to let the "secrets" out and be that helping hand for those who need it and those of you who just want something opinionated to read and enjoy. 

I've opted to divide my insights into four separate entries. You've got to walk before you can run, though most brides just take off running and hope our significant other can keep up.

Here are the steps I took in getting ready for that "Big Day" that many of you have dreamt about, prayed about, hoped for, and when it's all over, there's a whole lot you wish you could rewind and redo. I'll not only be real about my own experiences, but also let you know what I replay in my mind and wish we could do over again. 


#1: Find and Keep the RIGHT Man 
 I'm not gonna lie... before I was engaged, I secretly wanted to smack so many people I saw waltzing around on campus with their other half. You know you have, too, so don't act like you're shocked.. You know, there are tons of those couples gazing into eachothers' eyes as they force you to walk around them because they are mastering hogging up the whole sidewalk. Back rubbing during church still, to this very day,  drives me crazy, but I guess that's a personal issue.


After I met my "honey bunny", I understood exactly why these annoying couples did what they did. They were in love. For some, it was meant to last and for others, it would probably end before pay day. My advice to all out there is that once you have someone who says all the right things and does at least 90% of what he says he's gonna do, don't let him go. Notice I didn't say "Perfect" man, I said "Right" man. 


Let's face it - there's no point in getting married if you know from the get-go its probably not gonna work. Get to know eachother by doing things that make you both happy. If you can't stand something he does, you better say something now because there's no guarantees after y'all jump the broom.

We were engaged just 2 months after meeting, but had a 10-month engagement full of surprises I'm glad we had beforehand. If you're LDS, go to the temple as often as possible cause that's where you need to be for what lies ahead. Put first things first and smile about everything else - that's real talk.


#2: Break Down the Budget
Whether or not you are both filthy rich or dirt poor, you NEED to know how much money each of you and your families can contribute to this special day. Keep estimation and assumptions to a minimum. If there's no guarantees that Uncle Siaosi is gonna send the $5,000 check from Oakland by the time you need it, guess who gets stuck with the bill at the end? Better check that out now.

The style of wedding you can have also depends on the budget. Since this is very vague, Imma tell you know roughly what we paid for each part of our wedding day to not only show you that I am the queen of budget wedding planning, but also to start your wedding off on the right foot.

Lastly - don't go into debt for a wedding. The last thing you want is start off a marriage with unnecessary debt. There's soo much you can do with the money you have. Use and make connections. Shop around, it saved us thousands. Keep working - don't expect mommy and daddy to pay for everything. You'll be a lot wiser in your wedding decisions and overall marriage if you take charge now and save up. We didn't make too much at our PCC student jobs, but we had pride in things we were able to pay for and still do.  

#3: Date and Location
This is huge. If one or both of you is in school, take into consideration the fact that you are pretty much limited to breaks in the school calendar. Others will have the same wedding date, and some might be close friends of yours. This means getting the date and location down IN STONE before doing anything else. Make sure your best man is not planning to be at someone else's wedding on your special day, whether is be across the world or across the street.

We sat down and wrote down three different wedding months - December 2010, April 2011, and September 2011 - and places - Hawaii, Tonga, and the mainland. We wrote down the pro's and con's for each (like time to save up, the vigor of classes we would have that semester, who would and wouldn't be able to be there, time to work out personal and couple issues before marriage - be honest and tell me that's not a good idea). 

This process takes time, but do it together and, after coming up with your own tentative date and location, THEN talk to your family and get their input. Do it the other way around and there's gonna be a fight, trust me.

Take into consideration how many people will have to fly in, how many will have to work if you don't give enough notice and not show up, and maybe even those who you really wouldn't mind not being there.. jokes.  

 #4: Keep a Guest List from the Beginning
Carry a note pad with you and section it off (ie his family, your family, co-workers, family friends, people you haven't talked to in ten years but still need to invite, etc.). Every time a name comes to mind, flip that baby open and write their name down in one of the sections. Circle non-negotiable names, aka the ones who HAVE to be there.. just incase you have to later cut down your number for whatever reason.

After about a week, you'll have an idea of how big this wedding is going to be. If you are having it at a church facility (the BYUH ballroom, any stake center, etc), add on about 75-100 for the random people who walk by that day and either think they were invited or should have been invited. We planned for about 400 and had about that many come, taking the extra 75-100 into consideration. 

 #5: Select Your Theme and Colors

I initially had this vision of a black and purple for my wedding. My husband told me that that wasn't gonna happen because in his culture, those are funeral colors. I secretly still wanted those colors, so I added a few others, ending up with black, purple, blue, and green. I realized that these were the colors of the peacock feather and that became  the theme. They were inexpensive, beautiful, and were in my bouquet, the boutonnieres, the invitations, and the overall decor. 

I gotta tell you that if you're groom says he doesn't care about the colors, believe him. Consider yourself lucky and do what you want. Let's face it, if you're not happy, he won't be either, so do you both a favor and get what you want, girl. 

 #6: Get Your Wedding Line in Order
You're probably thinking that this step should come after things like food, entertainment, etc. You might be right, but if you're Polynesian like me, you need to get this sorted out at the beginning. You need to decide if this is going to be an intimate wedding line (1-4 bridesmaids) or if more people are going to be in your line then in the audience (25+ bridesmaids - I have been in one of these, so I'm not playing). 

Consider people that have played an influential part of your life rather than just including a cousin you've never met to make your family happy. Sometimes brides have 20 friends, but then basically gotta go pick guys off the street to have enough groomsmen for all these chicks. You don't want to deal with that, so prioritize your side. These folks need to realize this is your day - so they shouldn't be texting at the head table, disappearing, being irritating, etc. 

To avoid drama, we decided that we would just have my brother and his sister in our line. Man, if you want to make an auntie mad, tell her you're only gonna have 1 person on each side. I realized that there's a lot of people who basically travel the country in search of wedding parties to have their kids be a part of - so when they found out their kids weren't part of the crew, they didn't bring them. Yeah, I'm for real. 

So do what you think is best, but like I said, marriage is for adults, so you need to speak up. If you're going to have a smaller line, ask your friends to wear your wedding colors so y'all look solid in the pics. 
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Well, this is what I got for you in part 1 of 4 of planning a wedding on a budget. You know I had to keep it real and I'll get into the more fun aspects of wedding planning next time. Let all this info soak in. Follow these steps and you'll figure out where to focus more attention and energy. Have fun and live aloha. 


Leka