The prep for my wedding is still so fresh in my mind that it's time to let the "secrets" out and be that helping hand for those who need it and those of you who just want something opinionated to read and enjoy.
I've opted to divide my insights into four separate entries. You've got to walk before you can run, though most brides just take off running and hope our significant other can keep up.
Here are the steps I took in getting ready for that "Big Day" that many of you have dreamt about, prayed about, hoped for, and when it's all over, there's a whole lot you wish you could rewind and redo. I'll not only be real about my own experiences, but also let you know what I replay in my mind and wish we could do over again.
#1: Find and Keep the RIGHT Man
I'm not gonna lie... before I was engaged, I secretly wanted to smack so many people I saw waltzing around on campus with their other half. You know you have, too, so don't act like you're shocked.. You know, there are tons of those couples gazing into eachothers' eyes as they force you to walk around them because they are mastering hogging up the whole sidewalk. Back rubbing during church still, to this very day, drives me crazy, but I guess that's a personal issue.
After I met my "honey bunny", I understood exactly why these annoying couples did what they did. They were in love. For some, it was meant to last and for others, it would probably end before pay day. My advice to all out there is that once you have someone who says all the right things and does at least 90% of what he says he's gonna do, don't let him go. Notice I didn't say "Perfect" man, I said "Right" man.
Let's face it - there's no point in getting married if you know from the get-go its probably not gonna work. Get to know eachother by doing things that make you both happy. If you can't stand something he does, you better say something now because there's no guarantees after y'all jump the broom.
We were engaged just 2 months after meeting, but had a 10-month engagement full of surprises I'm glad we had beforehand. If you're LDS, go to the temple as often as possible cause that's where you need to be for what lies ahead. Put first things first and smile about everything else - that's real talk.
#2: Break Down the Budget
Whether or not you are both filthy rich or dirt poor, you NEED to know how much money each of you and your families can contribute to this special day. Keep estimation and assumptions to a minimum. If there's no guarantees that Uncle Siaosi is gonna send the $5,000 check from Oakland by the time you need it, guess who gets stuck with the bill at the end? Better check that out now.
The style of wedding you can have also depends on the budget. Since this is very vague, Imma tell you know roughly what we paid for each part of our wedding day to not only show you that I am the queen of budget wedding planning, but also to start your wedding off on the right foot.
Lastly - don't go into debt for a wedding. The last thing you want is start off a marriage with unnecessary debt. There's soo much you can do with the money you have. Use and make connections. Shop around, it saved us thousands. Keep working - don't expect mommy and daddy to pay for everything. You'll be a lot wiser in your wedding decisions and overall marriage if you take charge now and save up. We didn't make too much at our PCC student jobs, but we had pride in things we were able to pay for and still do.
#3: Date and Location
This is huge. If one or both of you is in school, take into consideration the fact that you are pretty much limited to breaks in the school calendar. Others will have the same wedding date, and some might be close friends of yours. This means getting the date and location down IN STONE before doing anything else. Make sure your best man is not planning to be at someone else's wedding on your special day, whether is be across the world or across the street.
We sat down and wrote down three different wedding months - December 2010, April 2011, and September 2011 - and places - Hawaii, Tonga, and the mainland. We wrote down the pro's and con's for each (like time to save up, the vigor of classes we would have that semester, who would and wouldn't be able to be there, time to work out personal and couple issues before marriage - be honest and tell me that's not a good idea).
This process takes time, but do it together and, after coming up with your own tentative date and location, THEN talk to your family and get their input. Do it the other way around and there's gonna be a fight, trust me.
Take into consideration how many people will have to fly in, how many will have to work if you don't give enough notice and not show up, and maybe even those who you really wouldn't mind not being there.. jokes.
#4: Keep a Guest List from the Beginning
Carry a note pad with you and section it off (ie his family, your family, co-workers, family friends, people you haven't talked to in ten years but still need to invite, etc.). Every time a name comes to mind, flip that baby open and write their name down in one of the sections. Circle non-negotiable names, aka the ones who HAVE to be there.. just incase you have to later cut down your number for whatever reason.
After about a week, you'll have an idea of how big this wedding is going to be. If you are having it at a church facility (the BYUH ballroom, any stake center, etc), add on about 75-100 for the random people who walk by that day and either think they were invited or should have been invited. We planned for about 400 and had about that many come, taking the extra 75-100 into consideration.
#5: Select Your Theme and Colors
I initially had this vision of a black and purple for my wedding. My husband told me that that wasn't gonna happen because in his culture, those are funeral colors. I secretly still wanted those colors, so I added a few others, ending up with black, purple, blue, and green. I realized that these were the colors of the peacock feather and that became the theme. They were inexpensive, beautiful, and were in my bouquet, the boutonnieres, the invitations, and the overall decor.
I gotta tell you that if you're groom says he doesn't care about the colors, believe him. Consider yourself lucky and do what you want. Let's face it, if you're not happy, he won't be either, so do you both a favor and get what you want, girl.
#6: Get Your Wedding Line in Order
You're probably thinking that this step should come after things like food, entertainment, etc. You might be right, but if you're Polynesian like me, you need to get this sorted out at the beginning. You need to decide if this is going to be an intimate wedding line (1-4 bridesmaids) or if more people are going to be in your line then in the audience (25+ bridesmaids - I have been in one of these, so I'm not playing).
Consider people that have played an influential part of your life rather than just including a cousin you've never met to make your family happy. Sometimes brides have 20 friends, but then basically gotta go pick guys off the street to have enough groomsmen for all these chicks. You don't want to deal with that, so prioritize your side. These folks need to realize this is your day - so they shouldn't be texting at the head table, disappearing, being irritating, etc.
To avoid drama, we decided that we would just have my brother and his sister in our line. Man, if you want to make an auntie mad, tell her you're only gonna have 1 person on each side. I realized that there's a lot of people who basically travel the country in search of wedding parties to have their kids be a part of - so when they found out their kids weren't part of the crew, they didn't bring them. Yeah, I'm for real.
So do what you think is best, but like I said, marriage is for adults, so you need to speak up. If you're going to have a smaller line, ask your friends to wear your wedding colors so y'all look solid in the pics.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, this is what I got for you in part 1 of 4 of planning a wedding on a budget. You know I had to keep it real and I'll get into the more fun aspects of wedding planning next time. Let all this info soak in. Follow these steps and you'll figure out where to focus more attention and energy. Have fun and live aloha.
Leka
I've thought about what I should blog about first. After receiving a very positive reaction to my preliminary entry, I don't want to disappoint those who may already be addicted, and more especially those of you who are waiting to see how long it's gonna be before I, like so many others, run out of things to write about or have no time to blog period.
Let's cross that bridge when we come to it.
In the mean time, you know why I love this picture? Well, not only was I 80 lbs. lighter then I am today, but it really shows you who I am. I taught myself to skateboard during my first year of college. Back then, polys didn't really skate around, so in that sense I guess I'm kind of like a pioneer, huh? I also wore shoes with skirts just cause. I was carefree, just like I am today.
So why bring up all of this in the first place?
I'll tell you why. It's summertime and its time for so many couples who are in love to plan their wedding. My next few entries are going to give you the inside scoops on how to plan for a wedding, including what to expect, what to do when family takes over, what to say to people who are getting in your face or being straight-up irritz, and to your groom when you need to snap him into gear and get him in with the program. I'm the queen of having a budget wedding, but more importantly one that reflects the couple's likes, personalities, culture, style, and most importantly, the reason why they fell in love in the first place.
I'd advise you if you are getting married to read and take notes, cause this is the best free, straight-up advice someone is gonna give you. If you already got married, good... feedback would be great, especially if you think I don't know what I'm talking about. Tell us what worked for you, and definitely what didn't work so we can roll out the caution tape and avoid that unseen quicksand pit others you know have perhaps drowned in.
If you aren't married (yet), you know you have secretly been looking for your dream wedding dress or song since you first discovered you liked boys - don't worry, you'll find your prince charming, but take my advice and basically have it all planned out first to avoid things getting too messy.
Lastly, if you're a groom or even thinking about proposing to your girlfriend (or, lets even add, even thinking of getting a girlfriend), read this and let it marinate in your mind. Do all you can to ensure you make the right moves that will get your queen not just to say "yes" (does anyone really ever say "no" anymore?), but also show up on the wedding day and, more importantly, stand by your side long after that special day.
Perhaps you brides-to-be are going through the stress that I went through over 9 months ago about planning the biggest event of your lives and feeling overwhelmed because you feel as though its all on your shoulders. On the other hand, there are those who feel so many people want to help that it's auntie's wedding instead of your own. Some of you out there want the grand, go-all-out extravaganza of the year and those that just want to keep it "simple".
(Real Talk - Imma keep it real with those of you who are in that "I just want something simple" category... that's not gonna happen. As long as you are getting married, you have a whole new family to deal with in addition to your own - their expectations, their vision, their desires, their drama... so just be real and instead of using the word "simple", I would advise you not to lie to yourself and call it its real name... "As drama free as possible". For you unbelievers, you'll see what I'm talkin' about soon enough, mmm-hmmm.)
So like I said, all this advice is gonna be divided up into a few entries. They are all based on my experiences, my opinions, my biases.. so don't get nuts if you don't agree or you want to do it your way. Go ahead. Marriage is for adults, and if you can't run things for that day, I suggest you do a little more introspection before you tie that knot and wonder what the heck happened the next day.
Breath. I'm here for you. I'll keep it real and tell you where to go, who to talk to, how to beg, and how to get your groom-to-be (real ones and those we all dream about) on track.
If you got questions, ask your mom first and if she doesn't know, you got a back up who is living through this economy and who comes from a rich cultural and religious heritage that can sometimes feel overwhelming, but is a big part of who I am.
Be happy. This is your time, no matter if its within the next few months or for years to come. There's so much more to blog about, so until then, live aloha.
Leka
The first time I read a blog, I literally got to the second paragraph and was like, "Okay, waayyyy too much information, girl."
TMI Anxiety hit and I pretty much never clicked the link to anyone's blog after that...
Then we found out we were expecting and I needed to find things to fill my time that didn't require too much movement, effort, or stress.. Well, as those of you who know me know, that pretty much cancelled out 95% of the things I either enjoyed doing or had to do.
So I started reading my friends' blogs. I didn't know you could view the people who have looked at your blog, so sorry to those I have stalked and thought I was getting away with it.. oops.
Anyways, there were those that were kinda boring (aka not juicy enough to expect others to spend more than 15 seconds reading), told way too much and developed that TMI Anxiety I was talking about, those where the reader could totally tell the author wanted to say something, but was beating around the bush, and then there were those that made you want to strangle the author because you were reading about their picture-perfect life and vacation patterns while you sat there eating your bowl of Kixx cereal in front of your desktop and trying to figure out how you were even going to pay your cell phone bill that month.
Just keepin' it real, cousins. Sorry if this is you, but I'm not judging, just simply speaking my mind and my thoughts... This is blogging.
My favorite are the blogs I've read where the writer is a completely different person then the one you've grown up with and went to school with - the kind where the person feels like they can say whatever they want on their blog and then are silent in person, especially when their not surrounded by their entourage of friends and/or family to back them up. Sometimes I wish I could afford an iPad to slap those types with... just sayin'.
That brings me to why I've decided to blog. To me, there's a difference between a journal, diary, notebook, phone book, photo album, list to give to your local hit man... and a blog. If you have a blog and you combine all of those into one, go for it. It's your blog and that's why there's the little red "x" at the top of everyone's screen - no one is forcing people to read your thoughts, feelings, emotions, issues, etc.
In one line, I'm gonna blog about what moves me that day, that time. I'm not one to cuss in person, so it's not gonna happen on my blog. I don't have money to travel the world, so if you're into that, log onto Mickey Mouse's blog instead, please. What I have is what's in my heart. I'm a passionate person with 5 weeks to go before our first child is due... I got experiences, stories, advice, questions, and, just like everyone, issues.
Will there be emotions? Yes. Will there be venting? Of course. So, whenever you have free time, go ahead.. heat up a cup of cocoa, make your way over to your computer, laptop, mobile, the iPad I would use to whack irritz people with, or whatever it is you use, and enjoy my blog...
Who knows how long this is gonna last, but I'll enjoy it every second I write. Nothing but love to the world.. Until next time, live aloha.
Leka
After I met my "honey bunny", I understood exactly why these annoying couples did what they did. They were in love. For some, it was meant to last and for others, it would probably end before pay day. My advice to all out there is that once you have someone who says all the right things and does at least 90% of what he says he's gonna do, don't let him go. Notice I didn't say "Perfect" man, I said "Right" man. 
Lastly - don't go into debt for a wedding. The last thing you want is start off a marriage with unnecessary debt. There's soo much you can do with the money you have. Use and make connections. Shop around, it saved us thousands. Keep working - don't expect mommy and daddy to pay for everything. You'll be a lot wiser in your wedding decisions and overall marriage if you take charge now and save up. We didn't make too much at our PCC student jobs, but we had pride in things we were able to pay for and still do. 
To avoid drama, we decided that we would just have my brother and his sister in our line. Man, if you want to make an auntie mad, tell her you're only gonna have 1 person on each side. I realized that there's a lot of people who basically travel the country in search of wedding parties to have their kids be a part of - so when they found out their kids weren't part of the crew, they didn't bring them. Yeah, I'm for real. 
