Wedding on A Budget - The Next Steps to Being Happy on That Special Day

Hopefully you breezed through the first 6 steps to making the big day happen. (Note: If this is your first time reading the blog, go back and read the first six steps because starting from middle is a waste of time and you will miss something).

Oh, and if you hire a wedding planner, you'll probably get to skip about 5 or so steps, but no matter how much you pay them, YOU are the one that's gonna have to STILL deal with tough decisions, family drama, mishaps, and issues.  

Today's entry is going to focus on the next few steps and hopefully put your mind at ease about a few things to avoid and deal with long before your day comes. 

#7: Delegation Will Save You Time, Sweat, Tears, and Stress

Hopefully you still have continued your relationships with your friends, homies, buddies, and dawgs throughout your courtship. This is something I sometimes wish I could redo just because when I met my "honey bunny", I instantly, like many women, gave all of myself to building our relationship and hanging out with my girls just didn't happen as often. The balance between friends and that significant other is often difficult for social people like myself, just because you have to devote a lot of time into your relationship to see if its "meant to be" and whether or not it is progressing to where you hope it is. 

My advice is to have fun with your sweetheart, but don't forget about the people who were in your life long before you met. These are those who will be there for you long after the wedding day when you need it the most. They will also be the ones you can count on to make your dream day happen as they most likely know what you want and they genuinely want you to be happy in this new direction life has take you. 

Two amazing people I am so blessed to have in my life are my girls Kaulana and Abbie. They helped move me out of my dorm room and into our new apartment, picked up my flowers, worked all hours of the night to make sure the all would be done on time, and threw my surprise Bridal Shower. Every bride needs friends like these to truly be able to smile on her day and know it'll all work out. 

So make 2 lists:

     List A: Friends You Can Count On to Help

     List B: Friends You HOPE You Can Count on to Help

Be honest with yourself. Don't show this list to anyone, but just having it will help you know the difference and determine who to ask to help you, say, man the kitchen and the friend you assign to tie your groom's shoes when you can't do it in your overflowing layers of dress. Different levels of importance, different levels of outcome is you find out they can't do it at the last minute.

I asked my husband who he was going to have help set-up the place. He told me not to worry about it. Ladies, when you hear that, you NEED to have a backup plan. When your groom-to-be says "Don't Worry", that means that he's probably going to forget about it and then when you get that disappointed look on your face, it will automatically reenter his mind and he'll remember - when it's too late.

So when he said that that, I smiled, got on Facebook, and asked our co-workers to be there. They showed up in full force despite the fact that it was the last day of finals. Asking co-workers to help out is a great idea because you already know how eachother works, so you'll be able to get the faster working people to do certain things while the more detailed-oriented and common sense-impaired can hang up the "No Smoking" signs and easy stuff like that. 

Bottom line is no matter who or how many people show up, you'll have a more fun time (like we did) if you work with people you know and have what you want in mind so that you get the job done.

#8: Find a Friend to Take Your Engagement Photos
Time to talk to friends and family and see who knows how to use a camera - especially how to use it for free. I have learned that yes, photographers gotta make money just like everybody else, but some of those hot-shot companies charge waayy too much, especially for college students just wanting one or two nice photos. 

My homegirl from the mission Vika introduced me to her roommate Alma who is just a camera goddess. We met her at 5pm just as the sun was about to set, walked over to the site, and just had fun. It's useful to have some poses in mind and just try out anything that comes to mind. Candid are my favorite. Make sure your honey gets a haircut and that his clothes match yours and you'll be good to go. We printed 4x6 photos from Costco.com and even used our engagement pictures to decorate the tables at our wedding. Be resourceful - everyone will love it!     

#9: Ordering and Making Invites - The Real Kind

Invites set the tone of your whole wedding.  If they're late and arrive a week before the event (or, heaven forbid, AFTER the event), you're sending out the message that you're not taking this day too seriously and so neither should they. The color of the invite, the picture you decide to include, the way you address people on the invite ("Auntie Mary, Uncle Bolo and Kids" vs. "Mr. and Mrs. Kawahine"), even the type of stamp you choose speaks volumes (Mickey Mouse vs. Wedding Rings of Flowers). 


Then again, you don't need to spend a fortune, buy the little RSVP cards, hand tie each one with an identical ribbon, take a calligraphy class to perfectly scribe each  name, etc. Think twice about mass e-mailing out an electronic invite or scanning one to facebook.. it's kinda impersonal and tacky. Some things should just stay traditional and if you don't have the funds to make enough of the "fancy" invites, you can color copy some to give to your friends and drive it over to their place to save on stamps. 

We ordered our invites from 123print.com. We spent $103.95 for 250 invites on recycled card stock. The order came with free envelopes, and we ordered the matching address labels for $10.95. Everything was shipped for free and arrived in Hawaii about 4 days after the order was made. I was super happy with the quality of the order and they had so much selection that I was able to find one that went with our peacock theme (see step #5). The only thing I would have done differently is order about 100 more so I wouldn't have to reorder like I did.   


#10: Decorating - Get Someone Who Knows What They're Doing
If you're like me, you have a hard time letting other people do things you think you can do yourself. For most things in life, you probably can. On your wedding day, though, YOU CAN'T, so ask someone you trust to take over something as important as decorating. 

About 3 months before my wedding, I was thinking that I was going to be able to order the decor, glue and tape everything together, and make it happen. Lucky thing I ran into my long time friend Regina at work who asked me how my wedding prep was going, could tell I was already getting burnt out, and who grew to be my go-to girl. She asked me what my vision was, and it took some time to bounce off ideas that we thought would both look nice and be within my budget (about $1,000 for all the decor for 400 people. FYI that's not a lot, but Regina knew how to make it work). When she was in town, she would text me photos and prices of different items, and would be dead honest with me when she thought my ideas were kind-of out there. 

We went from ideas like spay painting little trees to put on the tables to cute water glasses filled with gel-balls, waterproof LED lights, peacock feathers, and handmade satin flowers. Regina was a saving grace who had her YW girls come over to help, worked with my homie Abbie late into many evenings, and became an even closer friend throughout the whole process.

In addition to Regina, Hiro was another life saver I met through a mutual friend when they heard I was stressing out a few months before my special day. Hiro also had a lot of experience decorating weddings, and I knew his style was very creative and beautiful. I ended up asking Hiro to be in charge of the head table and the entrance, wherewith he used just $80 to compliment all of Regina's work. He has since also done decorating for Disney's Aulani Resort as well as for an event involving the Samoan Head of State. Hiro's pieces later graced our apartment and were wonderful reminders of that special day. 

In a nutshell, do NOT pass up the opportunity to make new friends and connections during this whole process. Some of the people I grew close to during my wedding preparation are still among my most trusted and best friends. 

Word to the Wise: Please note there is a difference between making connections and using people, so as long as your intentions are good and you yourself do what you can to be part of the team, your wedding will be the bomb.com with as little drama as possible.

#11: Food, Drinks, and Desserts
Okay, get ready to make a dent in your savings when it comes to this step. In certain parts of the world, the food you serve at your wedding is more important than the ceremony, the dress, everything. In others, people are happy with potluck style or "finger foods". Be sure that you, your fiance, and your families are all on the same page when it comes to deciding where your food (and the expense it will bring) will fall on this ever-important scale. 

Start with the basics, like drinks. How many types and flavors of drinks are your going to serve? Are you going to need coolers with ice (PLEASE cover your coolers with a nice fabric or something instead of having those bright orange coolers take all the attention), which then is followed by the need for cups? Do you want to use soda cans? If you're inviting a lot of families with kids, perhaps punch bowls aren't the best idea. And remember, bottled water will bring on an addition 6 cent cost per bottle for recycling expenses. See how "basic" that decision was?

Do you want your family to have to shop for, prepare, cook, and serve the food? If some of your close aunties and uncles were to miss your marriage ceremony and maybe part (or all) of your reception because they are cooking, is that okay with you? Take into consideration who will serve your food, if anyone. These were things I dealt with at my graduation party and others and realized that for my wedding, I wanted everyone to enjoy it and relax since this was, in part, their special day to celebrate, too. 

So what did we do? We catered from one of our favorite restaurants, Panda Express. I had just so happened to give a tour at my workplace to the owner and CEO of this wonderful company, who hooked me up with a 30% discount (saved us about $1,500). See how you have to call around and use your resources? We then asked our family members to only bring one or two items each, which allowed them to showcase their culinary talents, keep cultural traditions, as well as add that special spark and flavor to our already amazing food line without having to worry about making everything. There was so much food that this was MOST of the items which were served (I can't remember everything - but everyone love it):
-Rice, Chow Mein, Fried Rice
-Beef Broccoli
-Orange Chicken
-Sweet and Sour Beef Stir Fry
-Honey Walnut Shrimp
-Baked Bananas with Coconut Milk
-Sweet Potatoes
-Watermelon
-Chocolate Marble Cake
-Fortune Cookies 


Catering is a life saver. Companies like Panda Express have done thousands of huge events and been successful at it, so take that into real consideration and don't have your wedding be the first time you ever try to feed more than 5 people at one time. Most caterers also provide warmers, serving utensils, etc. that can often be overlooked until they are needed on that day. 


Lastly, choose a person you trust to handle the kitchen responsibilities. They are the one whose name you give to the caterer so that you do not have to be present when the food comes in. They manage what dishes need to be replenished, if serving sizes need to be adjusted, and makes sure food isn't borrowed (aka stolen) from the kitchen while everyone is enjoying the party. No matter what you think, if no one is manning the kitchen, you will have the load of SUVs and trucks backing into the door near the kitchen area and loading up on their food storage before the party even gets started - enough said.

This person also has the ever-important job of ensuring there are enough people to clean up the kitchen area and distribute any extra food at the end of the night. We would like to thank the Taumoepeau Family for being the family who managed the kitchen with the help of my Auntie Faleola. Also, our supervisor Jimmy brought everybody straight from work to come help and serve, in addition to my then-Relief Society President Nana and the girls of the BYUH 17th Ward. You made the food happen, and thus, in the Polynesian way, made the wedding happen. 
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Alrighty then, I think this is enough info to keep you busy for a while. I hope I haven't scared you into thinking wedding planning on a budget is all work, no play. On the contrary, recognizing where you can save money and use your resources is a lot more fun then having a ridiculously rich relative just send you a check to pay for the whole sha-bang. Just saying. 


You're about halfway there. Most of the hard work is over, though I have a lot more pointers to ensure nothing goes unmentioned or forgotten. Until then, live aloha.


Leka

Wedding on a Budget - First Things First

The prep for my wedding is still so fresh in my mind that it's time to let the "secrets" out and be that helping hand for those who need it and those of you who just want something opinionated to read and enjoy. 

I've opted to divide my insights into four separate entries. You've got to walk before you can run, though most brides just take off running and hope our significant other can keep up.

Here are the steps I took in getting ready for that "Big Day" that many of you have dreamt about, prayed about, hoped for, and when it's all over, there's a whole lot you wish you could rewind and redo. I'll not only be real about my own experiences, but also let you know what I replay in my mind and wish we could do over again. 


#1: Find and Keep the RIGHT Man 
 I'm not gonna lie... before I was engaged, I secretly wanted to smack so many people I saw waltzing around on campus with their other half. You know you have, too, so don't act like you're shocked.. You know, there are tons of those couples gazing into eachothers' eyes as they force you to walk around them because they are mastering hogging up the whole sidewalk. Back rubbing during church still, to this very day,  drives me crazy, but I guess that's a personal issue.


After I met my "honey bunny", I understood exactly why these annoying couples did what they did. They were in love. For some, it was meant to last and for others, it would probably end before pay day. My advice to all out there is that once you have someone who says all the right things and does at least 90% of what he says he's gonna do, don't let him go. Notice I didn't say "Perfect" man, I said "Right" man. 


Let's face it - there's no point in getting married if you know from the get-go its probably not gonna work. Get to know eachother by doing things that make you both happy. If you can't stand something he does, you better say something now because there's no guarantees after y'all jump the broom.

We were engaged just 2 months after meeting, but had a 10-month engagement full of surprises I'm glad we had beforehand. If you're LDS, go to the temple as often as possible cause that's where you need to be for what lies ahead. Put first things first and smile about everything else - that's real talk.


#2: Break Down the Budget
Whether or not you are both filthy rich or dirt poor, you NEED to know how much money each of you and your families can contribute to this special day. Keep estimation and assumptions to a minimum. If there's no guarantees that Uncle Siaosi is gonna send the $5,000 check from Oakland by the time you need it, guess who gets stuck with the bill at the end? Better check that out now.

The style of wedding you can have also depends on the budget. Since this is very vague, Imma tell you know roughly what we paid for each part of our wedding day to not only show you that I am the queen of budget wedding planning, but also to start your wedding off on the right foot.

Lastly - don't go into debt for a wedding. The last thing you want is start off a marriage with unnecessary debt. There's soo much you can do with the money you have. Use and make connections. Shop around, it saved us thousands. Keep working - don't expect mommy and daddy to pay for everything. You'll be a lot wiser in your wedding decisions and overall marriage if you take charge now and save up. We didn't make too much at our PCC student jobs, but we had pride in things we were able to pay for and still do.  

#3: Date and Location
This is huge. If one or both of you is in school, take into consideration the fact that you are pretty much limited to breaks in the school calendar. Others will have the same wedding date, and some might be close friends of yours. This means getting the date and location down IN STONE before doing anything else. Make sure your best man is not planning to be at someone else's wedding on your special day, whether is be across the world or across the street.

We sat down and wrote down three different wedding months - December 2010, April 2011, and September 2011 - and places - Hawaii, Tonga, and the mainland. We wrote down the pro's and con's for each (like time to save up, the vigor of classes we would have that semester, who would and wouldn't be able to be there, time to work out personal and couple issues before marriage - be honest and tell me that's not a good idea). 

This process takes time, but do it together and, after coming up with your own tentative date and location, THEN talk to your family and get their input. Do it the other way around and there's gonna be a fight, trust me.

Take into consideration how many people will have to fly in, how many will have to work if you don't give enough notice and not show up, and maybe even those who you really wouldn't mind not being there.. jokes.  

 #4: Keep a Guest List from the Beginning
Carry a note pad with you and section it off (ie his family, your family, co-workers, family friends, people you haven't talked to in ten years but still need to invite, etc.). Every time a name comes to mind, flip that baby open and write their name down in one of the sections. Circle non-negotiable names, aka the ones who HAVE to be there.. just incase you have to later cut down your number for whatever reason.

After about a week, you'll have an idea of how big this wedding is going to be. If you are having it at a church facility (the BYUH ballroom, any stake center, etc), add on about 75-100 for the random people who walk by that day and either think they were invited or should have been invited. We planned for about 400 and had about that many come, taking the extra 75-100 into consideration. 

 #5: Select Your Theme and Colors

I initially had this vision of a black and purple for my wedding. My husband told me that that wasn't gonna happen because in his culture, those are funeral colors. I secretly still wanted those colors, so I added a few others, ending up with black, purple, blue, and green. I realized that these were the colors of the peacock feather and that became  the theme. They were inexpensive, beautiful, and were in my bouquet, the boutonnieres, the invitations, and the overall decor. 

I gotta tell you that if you're groom says he doesn't care about the colors, believe him. Consider yourself lucky and do what you want. Let's face it, if you're not happy, he won't be either, so do you both a favor and get what you want, girl. 

 #6: Get Your Wedding Line in Order
You're probably thinking that this step should come after things like food, entertainment, etc. You might be right, but if you're Polynesian like me, you need to get this sorted out at the beginning. You need to decide if this is going to be an intimate wedding line (1-4 bridesmaids) or if more people are going to be in your line then in the audience (25+ bridesmaids - I have been in one of these, so I'm not playing). 

Consider people that have played an influential part of your life rather than just including a cousin you've never met to make your family happy. Sometimes brides have 20 friends, but then basically gotta go pick guys off the street to have enough groomsmen for all these chicks. You don't want to deal with that, so prioritize your side. These folks need to realize this is your day - so they shouldn't be texting at the head table, disappearing, being irritating, etc. 

To avoid drama, we decided that we would just have my brother and his sister in our line. Man, if you want to make an auntie mad, tell her you're only gonna have 1 person on each side. I realized that there's a lot of people who basically travel the country in search of wedding parties to have their kids be a part of - so when they found out their kids weren't part of the crew, they didn't bring them. Yeah, I'm for real. 

So do what you think is best, but like I said, marriage is for adults, so you need to speak up. If you're going to have a smaller line, ask your friends to wear your wedding colors so y'all look solid in the pics. 
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Well, this is what I got for you in part 1 of 4 of planning a wedding on a budget. You know I had to keep it real and I'll get into the more fun aspects of wedding planning next time. Let all this info soak in. Follow these steps and you'll figure out where to focus more attention and energy. Have fun and live aloha. 


Leka

Wedding on A Budget - A Simple Explanation of Why It's Necessary

I've thought about what I should blog about first. After receiving a very positive reaction to my preliminary entry, I don't want to disappoint those who may already be addicted, and more especially those of you who are waiting to see how long it's gonna be before I, like so many others, run out of things to write about or have no time to blog period. 

Let's cross that bridge when we come to it. 

In the mean time, you know why I love this picture? Well, not only was I 80 lbs. lighter then I am today, but it really shows you who I am. I taught myself to skateboard during my first year of college. Back then, polys didn't really skate around, so in that sense I guess I'm kind of like a pioneer, huh? I also wore shoes with skirts just cause. I was carefree, just like I am today.

So why bring up all of this in the first place?

I'll tell you why. It's summertime and its time for so many couples who are in love to plan their wedding. My next few entries are going to give you the inside scoops on how to plan for a wedding, including what to expect, what to do when family takes over, what to say to people who are getting in your face or being straight-up irritz, and to your groom when you need to snap him into gear and get him in with the program. I'm the queen of having a budget wedding, but more importantly one that reflects the couple's likes, personalities, culture, style, and most importantly, the reason why they fell in love in the first place. 


I'd advise you if you are getting married to read and take notes, cause this is the best free, straight-up advice someone is gonna give you. If you already got married, good... feedback would be great, especially if you think I don't know what I'm talking about. Tell us what worked for you, and definitely what didn't work so we can roll out the caution tape and avoid that unseen quicksand pit others you know have perhaps drowned in.

If you aren't married (yet), you know you have secretly been looking for your dream wedding dress or song since you first discovered you liked boys - don't worry, you'll find your prince charming, but take my advice and basically have it all planned out first to avoid things getting too messy. 

Lastly, if you're a groom or even thinking about proposing to your girlfriend (or, lets even add, even thinking of getting a girlfriend), read this and let it marinate in your mind. Do all you can to ensure you make the right moves that will get your queen not just to say "yes" (does anyone really ever say "no" anymore?), but also show up on the wedding day and, more importantly, stand by your side long after that special day. 

Perhaps you brides-to-be are going through the stress that I went through over 9 months ago about planning the biggest event of your lives and feeling overwhelmed because you feel as though its all on your shoulders. On the other hand, there are those who feel so many people want to help that it's auntie's wedding instead of your own. Some of you out there want the grand, go-all-out extravaganza of the year and those that just want to keep it "simple". 

(Real Talk - Imma keep it real with those of you who are in that "I just want something simple" category... that's not gonna happen. As long as you are getting married, you have a whole new family to deal with in addition to your own - their expectations, their vision, their desires, their drama... so just be real and instead of using the word "simple", I would advise you not to lie to yourself and call it its real name... "As drama free as possible". For you unbelievers, you'll see what I'm talkin' about soon enough, mmm-hmmm.)

So like I said, all this advice is gonna be divided up into a few entries. They are all based on my experiences, my opinions, my biases.. so don't get nuts if you don't agree or you want to do it your way. Go ahead. Marriage is for adults, and if you can't run things for that day, I suggest you do a little more introspection before you tie that knot and wonder what the heck happened the next day. 

Breath. I'm here for you. I'll keep it real and tell you where to go, who to talk to, how to beg, and how to get your groom-to-be (real ones and those we all dream about) on track. 

If you got questions, ask your mom first and if she doesn't know, you got a back up who is living through this economy and who comes from a rich cultural and religious heritage that can sometimes feel overwhelming, but is a big part of who I am. 


Be happy. This is your time, no matter if its within the next few months or for years to come. There's so much more to blog about, so until then, live aloha. 


Leka

To Blog or Not to Blog...

The first time I read a blog, I literally got to the second paragraph and was like, "Okay, waayyyy too much information, girl." 

TMI Anxiety hit and I pretty much never clicked the link to anyone's blog after that...

Then we found out we were expecting and I needed to find things to fill my time that didn't require too much movement, effort, or stress.. Well, as those of you who know me know, that pretty much cancelled out 95% of the things I either enjoyed doing or had to do. 

So I started reading my friends' blogs. I didn't know you could view the people who have looked at your blog, so sorry to those I have stalked and thought I was getting away with it.. oops. 

Anyways, there were those that were kinda boring (aka not juicy enough to expect others to spend more than 15 seconds reading), told way too much and developed that TMI Anxiety I was talking about, those where the reader could totally tell the author wanted to say something, but was beating around the bush, and then there were those that made you want to strangle the author because you were reading about their picture-perfect life and vacation patterns while you sat there eating your bowl of Kixx cereal in front of your desktop and trying to figure out how you were even going to pay your cell phone bill that month. 

Just keepin' it real, cousins. Sorry if this is you, but I'm not judging, just simply speaking my mind and my thoughts... This is blogging. 

My favorite are the blogs I've read where the writer is a completely different person then the one you've grown up with and went to school with - the kind where the person feels like they can say whatever they want on their blog and then are silent in person, especially when their not surrounded by their entourage of friends and/or family to back them up. Sometimes I wish I could afford an iPad to slap those types with... just sayin'.

That brings me to why I've decided to blog. To me, there's a difference between a journal, diary, notebook, phone book, photo album, list to give to your local hit man... and a blog. If you have a blog and you combine all of those into one, go for it. It's your blog and that's why there's the little red "x" at the top of everyone's screen - no one is forcing people to read your thoughts, feelings, emotions, issues, etc. 

In one line, I'm gonna blog about what moves me that day, that time. I'm not one to cuss in person, so it's not gonna happen on my blog. I don't have money to travel the world, so if you're into that, log onto Mickey Mouse's blog instead, please. What I have is what's in my heart. I'm a passionate person with 5 weeks to go before our first child is due... I got experiences, stories, advice, questions, and, just like everyone, issues.

Will there be emotions? Yes. Will there be venting? Of course. So, whenever you have free time, go ahead.. heat up a cup of cocoa, make your way over to your computer, laptop, mobile, the iPad I would use to whack irritz people with, or whatever it is you use, and enjoy my blog...

Who knows how long this is gonna last, but I'll enjoy it every second I write. Nothing but love to the world.. Until next time, live aloha. 


Leka